My 4 year old has grown-up :-(

Well, the 6 weeks is over. Personally, I’m not sure where it has gone! Maybe because today is a big day in our household (as in many) I didn’t feel as joyous or as ready as I thought I would. The thing is both my girlies are now in full-time school. Lexi joins YR2, and little Gabriella has started ‘big school’.

If you’d read my last blog (which was before the holidays) you’ll have realised I’d found school dinners quite unnerving. But now the time has come that my youngest (my baby) and her little 4 year-old friends are all taking that next step in their little lives. Another chapter for us all.

Now, as I mentioned in my previous blog, I thought I’d be skipping out of school, in fact, I thought I’d be running out of those school gates so fast all you could see was lightening. So why is it as I sit here writing this, I feel lost and I can’t take away that sick feeling? You know, the heavy lump that sits in the bottom of your stomach when something is bothering you! I’m constantly checking the time. I’ve been making note of the time they’ll be having snack, lunch, and as I write this I only have an hour and half to go before pick-up. It can’t come quick enough.

It was worse with Lexi we moved her schools in the first week of her starting full-time school, due to us moving house. I didn’t sleep for a week, but she was absolutely fine and settled straight in. Gabriella has her older sister to make sure she’s okay too, so really I have nothing to worry about. I know this, and by next week I’ll be loving my free-time to write my books, expand my wedding business and generally do all the things I’ve been dreaming of for the past 6 years. But I miss them! Lexi cried last night because she was going to miss me, and she didn’t want me to be lonely. I’m not going to admit to her that I do feel pretty lonely today, because that would just upset her more. But there are so many of you out there feeling lonely too. We’ve shipped our little ones off to full-time school, my little lunch partner has gone, my little friend who I discussed everything with on an afternoon has all grown up.

I’m not so much worried whether she’ll settle, (especially as I was with Lexi) but I’m worrying about little things. One of my main concerns is the whole toilet thing … will she ask when she needs it? And mainly will she wipe herself properly when doing a No2!? I worried about the same thing with Lexi who is absolutely fine and she didn’t even think about it, just got on with it. Gabriella has a tendency to go off in her own little world, will she listen when asked a question? Or will she listen full-stop? Will she be okay in the lunch hall? And in the big playground after (even though Lexi’s there!) The thing I know the answer is ‘yes’. I know many of you reading this will be shouting ‘of course she’ll be fine.’ And I know. I really do know. I just wish that rock would move out of my stomach!

Another concern is ‘Does she know enough?’ Does she know what she should know for her age? Will she pick things up okay? It’s not about my girlies being the brightest in the class, it’s about making sure she is happy. Making sure she doesn’t feel as if she’s struggling. I don’t want her to feel under-pressure. I was talking to my sister-in-law about this and she sent me a fab link which you must look at if you have similar thoughts to me: What Should A 4 Year Old know? I’d loved it.

Anyway, now I’ve distracted myself writing this blog, time is marching on (thankfully) I’m going to go and distracted myself with editing book 3! The book 3 which should have been out by now. However, I’ve totally enjoyed the holidays with my girlies and I’m just truly grateful that I had the time to spend with them.

And to all you parents who are feeling like me, I’m with you … you’re not alone xx

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