How many times have you said, ‘Yes’ to someone, when you really mean, ‘No’? And how many times has this stressed you out?
When we say, ‘Yes’ too many times, people can start taking advantage. Does this remind you of anyone?
Do you know of someone who says, ‘Yes’, when you know they mean, ‘No’?
This comes down to self-care. When you put others before yourself, you don’t allow yourself to grow. Sometimes we don’t have a choice, we have family commitments, work commitments and other commitments that must be fulfilled. However, there are times when we are asked to do something, and we feel we can’t say, ‘No’.
So we often say, ‘Yes’, and suffer the consequences of it interfering in our own lives. This can lead to resentment. This has a ripple effect that can lead to uncomfortableness within friendship and family groups.
Saying, ‘No’ is about setting personal boundaries. Once you know what your boundaries are, and others know what your boundaries are, they will have to respect this. It’s time to get rid of the guilt. Once you practice self-care, you’ll have more to give other people, and yes, sometimes this means saying, ‘NO!’
Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others
I felt the need to write about this subject, as it has been something I have struggled with myself. I was an all-around yes person! I’d fit people in, change plans for other people and end up in many situations helping others. I would bend over backwards to help anyone even at the detriment of myself. However, I’ve learnt to say ‘No’ – at first it was hard. I felt guilty. I felt I was letting people down, however, as time went on I realised those who care me, truly understand why I was saying no. This didn’t happen overnight … and even now, I can find myself in a situation and I think, am I being tested? Because I am a person who is full of love and I love helping people. However, I have to judge now whether there is too much implication on my own life. If I feel the situation doesn’t suit me, I simply say, no!
I judge the situation because sometimes, I say, ‘Yes’ and I mean it, but I feel happiness at saying yes.
You too, will feel happiness, if the ‘yes’ suits you. Our mind, body and soul, knows if a situation suits us. We know when we say, ‘Yes’ and we mean it! We also know the feeling of that dark cloud that comes over us when we say, ‘Yes’ but we mean, ‘No’: that frustration, irritation and disappointment. When we are experiencing those feelings, it’s time to draw on our boundaries, it’s time to draw a line of what we are willing to accept.
We can say, ‘Yes’ when we mean, ‘No’ for many reasons: we don’t want to appear selfish, we don’t want to let someone down, we don’t want to seem rude, we don’t want the person to feel rejected … but in the process of saying ‘Yes’, you are doing these things to yourself.
If you read my blog posts, you’ll know I always ask you to come from a place of ‘love’ – so you may ask yourself, ‘How can I be showing love if I’m saying no?’ But ask yourself this … ‘If you are feeling resentment, if you are feeling begrudged, how is that coming from a place of love?’ You are not showing love to the person in question and you are not showing love to yourself. So there’s not much love flowing here … and with the rule of the Law of Attraction, you will attract more resentment! It’s amazing how this works.
So this isn’t asking you to say, ‘No’ to everything and everyone, as I said, you will know when you truly mean ‘Yes!’ It feels good. You are then sending love.
So, if you have the courage, which I know you do, to say, ‘No’ and mean, ‘No’, you may feel guilty, you may feel you are letting that person down, but ask yourself what are you gaining from this? Give yourself a hug, be proud of your decision and know that you are sending love to yourself and in turn, this will spread to others … and guess what, you’ll attract more love to yourself.
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There are many therapies that allow people to express themselves through creativity.
If you read my blog, you’ll know that one of my favourite avenues is writing. Therapeutic writing, automatic writing and self-reflective writing are all amazing avenues to express emotions, feelings and thoughts. Writing therapy has become increasingly popular. But not everyone feels comfortable with expressing themselves through this form.
There are so many ways in which we can connect with our inner selves. There are many creative avenues and many of these avenues are used in a professional capacity.
Let’s take a look at a few, you may find a creative outlet for yourself:
Music can be calming, soothing or upbeat and fun. It’s great for energy release and is often used for meditation. Usually, in music therapy, people work with numerous instruments, they connect with the sounds and this can be accompanied by singing.
You can see, The British Association for Music Therapy, which gives a professional overview of this type of therapy.
However, if you’d like to know more about using music therapy in your home, Education.com, have created a very informative article that includes a range of wonderful Music Therapy Techniques to Try at Home.
Dance/movement therapy in the US, or dance psychotherapy in the UK, uses dance to express emotion.
It is thought to be an awesome avenue for self-expression. It is also a way of keeping fit, but for those who are less mobile, or have chronic illnesses, it can help with muscle flexibility. These, in turn, help to improve self-confidence, which leads to a healthier state of mind.
Art therapy is extremely popular. It is used with children, teenagers, adults and older people. It is used with all kinds of groups from those with physical disabilities, mental health issues and other vulnerable groups.
Again this type of therapy allows an individual to express themselves through, drawing, painting or creating something. It’s a great way to focus on the task at hand, it can improve dexterity, skills and overall well-being.
Either creating something yourself or joining an art therapy group, you will soon use this type of therapy to connect with your soul. A wonderful and renowned way of expressing yourself.
This is another popular psychological therapy that is used with vulnerable groups. It is a great way to improve emotional well-being. Students can use their own experiences to express their feelings, through stories, role-play, dress-up etc.
Expressing yourself through creativity at home
The therapies above are to give you an indication of the type of therapies that are available.
You can use any of the above and try them at home by yourself, or even ask a group of friends to join you.
You could try colour therapy, sewing, textiles, journaling, painting, crafts … there is so much available to you. It doesn’t have to cost much money. Once you start working on a project of love, you’ll find you have so much to express. Once you start expressing in your chosen form, watch how your mind, body and soul feel better.
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To live the life you want and deserve, you must be WILLING to show up!
What do we mean by this?
Put the effort in, make things happen, be willing to do what it takes!
In many of my blog posts, I write about the Law of Attraction: what we think we are … we become. The Universe reflects back to us our key thoughts, whether these are positive or negative.
But there are situations where you have to be willing to put in the effort: you can’t write a book if you don’t start writing … there are many things that are in your own hands. You have to be consistent, you have to show up and be willing.
When you’re willing; when you show up the Universe will have your back. Keep your thoughts positive, don’t begrudge the effort you have to put in. Be pleased with yourself. Pat yourself on the back. If you constantly believe you are not good enough, or you haven’t achieved what you wanted to achieve, you are putting this out to the Universe … and guess what .. the Universe will agree with you. You will feel as if you’re not getting anywhere, that treadmill will just keep going.
Be willing to praise yourself. Be proud that you are getting closer to your goal. Be willing to do what needs to be done.
If it helps, make notes of the things you have achieved and tick things off your to-do list. You’ll be surprised when you start noting down the things you are achieving. The more consistent you are and the less procrastinating you do, you will find you have more energy and fighting spirit.
Here are some quotes from some very successful people:
Perseverance is failing 19 times & succeeding the 20th …
I start early, and I stay late, day after day, year after year, it took me 17 years and 114 days to become an overnight success.
No matter how talented you are, your talent will fail you, if you’re not skilled. Skill is achieved through practice. Work hard and dedicate yourself to being better every single day.
The key to realizing a dream is to focus not on success but on significance — and then even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning.
Some people want it to happen, some people wish it would happen, others make it happen.
I can look back on my life, where there have been moments where things might have gone the other way. Everything is like stepping stones, and I’ve seen people I admire falter. We’re all vulnerable.
You control your own life. Your own will is extremely important …
Every hero doesn’t do this great big hero thing. They do the simple thing over and over… and they stick to it!
Luck has nothing to do with it, because I have spent many, many hours, countless hours, on the court working for my one moment in time, not knowing when it would come.
I’m convinced that about half of what separates successful entrepreneurs from the non-successful ones is pure perseverance.
Here are 12 ‘BE WILLING TO’ tips:
- Be willing to say NO!
- Be willing to say YES!
- Be willing to go the extra mile
- Be willing to step out of your comfort zone
- Be willing to put in the extra work
- Be willing to make the time that is needed
- Be willing to put yourself first
- Be willing to push yourself when needed
- Be willing to look for the positive in a ‘testing situation’
- Be willing to open yourself up to new ideas
- Be willing to forgive
- Be willing to send love
- Be willing to get out of bed every morning, show up and make things happen!
- Simply BE WILLING!
Write down the above tips and read them daily. Do what you need to do to live the life you dream of, and look at the above quotes, write down your favourites and use these as encouragement and inspiration.
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When I wrote the previous blog on victory, I was in two minds whether to actually choose V is for Victory on the A-Z Inspirational Blog.
Because here’s the thing … the definition of victory as set-out by Merriam-Webster (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/victory) : It defines victory as: conquest, and triumph means success in a competition or struggle. Victory is used for a win over an opponent or over difficult problems.
If you want to see further how you can be celebrating your victories and not focusing on your defeats, see the previous post on V is for Victory here, this also includes a therapeutic writing exercise
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Wouldn’t it be a boring world if we were all the same? You may enjoy things that other people don’t enjoy, or you may want to live a life that others are not willing to live. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be something you are not! This includes listening to negative naysayers. Don’t listen to people who don’t believe that there is a bigger and better world out there. Believe in yourself, embrace your passions and your uniqueness … and once you embrace this uniqueness you will feel such joy and warmth that you will spread this to others.
Once you become a person of light and love, you will encourage others to embrace their unique selves.
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